Tuff Stuff.

Today's been a hard day.

This Friday was the 7 month mark from the day Dad died. I was mostly fine (I didn't break down crying in public, at least). But it wasn't until about last night, Saturday, that I started to struggle. Backstory time!
My Aunt Shauna somehow found out a long time ago that I'd never seen Fiddler on the Roof. Criminal! ...The funny part is, this was discovered some time last year...and I finally saw it last night. Anyway, in the song If I were a Rich Man, Reptevye (sp?) says/sings "Would it spoil some vast eternal plan, if I were a rich man?" My dad used this line in a blog post, and rephrased it to say "Would it spoil some vast eternal plan, if I were to beat this cancer?" It wasn't a line they really lingered on, but it still hurt to hear and to be reminded of. But I let it go pretty quick, because I was occupied with trying to dance like Reptevye. All was well, I was enjoying the movie.
However, another scene much later on made me also very sad. It was the scene where the middle girl, Hotal, was saying a goodbye to her father, not knowing if they would ever see each other again. Not to mention she was leaving a home she had lived in her whole life. Sheesh, everything I see or hear targets me lately! (Not to put a knock on Fiddler, it was great and I loved it. Especially the dancing and the fact that I got to randomly shout "Mazzletaff!") Not fair, right?

Today is Sunday, and what did we have a lesson on in Young Women's class? Eternal Families.

WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!!!!

I've just been thinking about Dad and missing him, but I wanted to share a poem that President Bryson Cook wrote and shared at my Dad's funeral:

When in my moment of great despair,

I saw a rainbow in the sky.

The light, the color, the beauty

All helped me say goodbye.

The bow, a token of covenants past

Reminds me that my love can last

Not only for this brief moment

In the eternal scheme,

But forever.

As a family, with my Eternal King.

No matter how much I miss Dad....I know I'll see him again. And that he's watching what I'm doing now...so I better be a good kid and not mess up, and not wallow in self pity lots, right? Right. And ya know what? Apparently it would spoil some vast eternal plan for Dad to survive his cancer, or else he would have. Heavenly Father knows exactly what he's doing and he knows exactly why Dad had to be taken from the earth and given so much pain right at the time it did. So all I can do now is to have trust in Heavenly Father, and know that I'll find out why this happened later. When I can ask Dad why it happened. Until that moment, I'll have to be patient.

...MAZZLETAFF!

-Alexis